


Don't Break; Can't Break; Wont Break

by Sad_But_Rad_Davey_Strides



Category: Original Work
Genre: (I'll add more as I go), Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bullying, Cutting, Depression, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Gen, Homophobic Slurs, Homosexuality, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Mild Abuse, Original Character(s), Possible Character Death, Rape Recovery, Relationship Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Transgender Female to Male, Underage Drinking, blood/gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 10:02:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3973951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sad_But_Rad_Davey_Strides/pseuds/Sad_But_Rad_Davey_Strides
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caine Samalin had been suffering for many years. Someone had hurt him. Hurt him in a way he could never feel the same way again. He meets more people like him. A small younger girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope story wont turn to shit like my other one. But i hope you like it. and sorry its so short. its a kinda free write thing...But there will be more to it!!

Your name is Caine Samalin. You don't feel like you use to. The happy little kid you use to be. You use to love to run and frolic in your rather big backyard with your mother and little sister and occasionally your older brother when he wasn't busy somewhere else. As of now you are of the ripe age of sixteen. The last eight years of your life hadn't been wonderful. In-fact they were complete shit and you blamed yourself for it all. Mostly because you couldn't fight back. Maybe if you fought and tried more...even if the first time it didn't help...but maybe if you tried harder it could have worked out different...right? Right. Or at least you think... You let out a shaky breath as you sit in the floor of your room. Which is right next to your mothers room. She's coughing and laying to rest at the moment so you stay where you are. 

She'd been sick for about three years now. She is literally slowly dying from how many medications she is on. And going for frequent blood testing for her warfarin levels is not helping her heal any quicker. Sometimes you hate how the less fortunate rarely get the help they need. Only if you and your family were middle class like your grandmother. Maybe then you'd get the help you need quicker. You swear the government just likes to fuck around until there's something life threatening to them. Jesus fucking Christ how can people be so stupid! Why can't they see how much they're hurting each other. Ugh...People disgust you sometimes. Infuriate you. But how about you not think about that at the moment. You take a deep breath and start coughing. You've been coughing like this for a while now, sometimes to the point where you almost throw up.

You wonder what the fuck is up with that but you shrug it off almost everyday.  As of now you are waiting for someone to come by. Hopefully a friend or something. You really don't want to be home right now. You love your mom. You love your sister. And your brother had moved out about a month ago. Thank fucking God. He was always bashing you for being you. Because you _**had** _ a girlfriend. Because you weren't very smart. Because you were you. You shake your head and push the memories out of your head. Keep dwelling on that and you'll depress yourself some more. The point is, you just don't want to be home. You want to go wander. Wandering for you is actually pretty relaxing. You don't get much relaxation. Yeah you get to hang out with your friends sometimes. Yeah you laugh and enjoy yourself once in a while. Even smoke a little pot and drink once in a long while. Usually when you're depressed or not thinking. You hate how stupid you can be. 

After a little while there's a knock on your door and you hop up to go see who it is. 

Before you open the door you glance over to the clock. Six thirty. You can probably go hang out with whoever it is. It's probably Talia again. As always. You like hanging out with her but she gets annoying sometimes. And the fact that she kind of scares you. But let's not focus on that...heheh... 

You shake that thought out of your head and look through the peephole of the door. As guessed, its her. You're kind of happy its her because no one else really comes around and you want to get out of here before your brother swings by. You hate having to see him even once in a while. 

You smile at Talia and hug her as you step outside. After telling your sister that you're going to go walking for a little while. As you slip your hoody on she poke you in the side and smiles. "So, busy or nah?" She says as she lights a cigarette and takes a few hits from it. You cough from the second hand smoke entering your lungs as you inhale. She laughs a little bit at your sensitivity of the toxic mixture of tobacco and a shit-ton of dumb chemicals to get people hooked. Yet another great idea from our wonderful government! Ain't it great?! You mentally roll your eyes at this thought and answer her question with a soft shake of your head. She nods and thinks for a moment. 

You were suspended from school today so all you were doing is sitting at home. Literally doing nothing but sleeping and breathing. Unfortunately. 

Finally she speaks up and breaks the silence. Asking how you've been and if you want to head down to the school for Milas, Alissa, and a few other of your friends performances. They were singing for the award ceremony for the Juniors at your school. You honestly didn't care about the Juniors. You only cared about what was going on when you heard Milas' name. 

You perk up some when she says Mila is performing and you quickly utter a squeaky yes. She laughs softly at your weird crack-y voice and nods. She finishes her cigarette and stretches. She's taller than you by like a whole foot. And you know you're not exaggerating...You don't think you are anyways. But you do know she's hella fucking tall! You barely come up to her shoulders. 


	2. Time To Present

You sigh and lean back against the branch. It's been about two hours and Mila, Alissa, Talia and Robie are hanging with you in the back of the school. Near this small wooded area, literally right in the back of the school. You had climbed into a tree about thirty minutes ago because Robie was all over Mila. He knows you love Mila and he still does this. You even talk to him about this but you guess he doesn't give a single shit about how you feel. You  _thought_ he was suppose to be your friend. You have known him since kindergarten so give a guy a little slack. He still calls you by your birth-name too. You fucking hate it when people call you by your birth-name. It's so fucking annoying when they know the way you are and, it seems, like they refuse to call you by your preferences.

BUT, back to the problem. You're actually stuck in the tree. You're actually freaking out at the moment.  _Shit._ You think to yourself. Everyone else has just either lied down on the grass or are in the same tree but not as high. The only reason you got in the damn thing is because you need to be alone. You wanted to just sit and think of everything but yet nothing at the same time. After a while they begin to get a little worried about you. You haven't talked and you're just...Well...Sitting there. Not doing anything but talking to yourself. God you're fucking pathetic sometimes.  _  
_

After maybe another thirty minutes Alissa climbs up to you and asks what's wrong. You shake your head and utter a quiet "nothing" before giving a soft smile. She sees through your shitty excuse of a lie and nudges you. "Seriously, what's wrong. If there was nothing wrong you'd be down here with everyone else and joking and flirting with Mila...Caine, seriously what's wrong?" She said her sentance rather quick. You don't know why she's so kind to you. You don't know why anyone bothers to be kind to you. Even to yourslf you seem to be a constant piece of shit. You still don't understand why Mila likes you. Or liked you. You're still not completely sure on what you two are. You both dated for about a week but she didn't feel fully comfortable. Mostly because your ex was budding in and her mom didn't like you in the first place. Just because of the person you are. Great huh? Another person judging you for being you. You really wish people weren't such arogant and ignorant. Like is it so hard to accept someone who really isn't that much different from yourself? You close your eyes to take a moment to recompose yourself and answer in a soft shakey voice.

"It's nothing really. I just...Kinda want to be alone for five more minutes. Then I might come down..." 

She sighs and nods as she climbs down after giving you a tight hug. Again. You don't understand why her and everyone else is so nice to you. Maybe they feel sorry for you. Maybe no one really does like you but just doesn't have the heart to tell you how much they actually just don't really care for you. Hell. As you think you've stated before, you really don't give a fuck how you really feel. You just want to keep everyone else happy. 

After a minute you relax again. Closing your eyes and spacing out. You see Talia walking into the woods from where you sit as soon as you open your eyes. Fuck. She's pissed about something. You decide to stay put and let it pass for now. She'll be back soon. She always is. Talia is usually very brief with her pop ups. 

Five minutes pass. Mila is come up the tree and you panic again.  _Shit why is she coming up here?! Fuck fuck fuck fuck..._ Your mind is racing. You don't want her to see you upset. You really don't. 

She sits across from you on the same branch. Fairly close to you as she does and you look down. "How come you're not hanging out with us, Cai." She nudges you and kisses your cheek. "There's something wrong. You can tell me. I'll listen and you know that...I just not might be able to comfort you..Or give advice...Buuut I can listen." She gives you a soft smile and you shake your head.

"I'm fine. Go hand out with them." 

You regret saying that. You don't want her to go. You actually really want her to stay with you and hug you and kiss you and make you feel better and...and just help you fade the world out. You just hate having her feel bad for you. you hate having anyone feel bad for you. Hell, you hate feeling sorry for yourself. You just want her to take you in her arms. To just hold you and tell you everything's going to be alright. To tell you that she's going to be here for you through this. That she's never going to leave your side. But you know she has to. You just want to stay by her side. And comfort her the same way she does for you. She has no clue what she does to you. Every time she is near you, you perk up. You feel joyful yet so sad at the same time. You want to make her yours. You want her to make you hers. But no one wants a runt. No one wants a freak. No one wants an outcast. No one wants the weird, loud mouthed, yet quiet asshole transboy of the school.

Yeah she says she loves who you are but  _saying_ and  _actually feeling_ are two different things. And you wish you knew how she felt about you. You wish you weren't so scared. You wish you weren't you. You wish you were born in the right body and not this horrible excuse you have now. It's not that you don't like women but you just hate feeling so out of place with your body. So just...Ugh! You just wish you were born as a male. Technically being a female sucks. Your teachers treat you like shit for it and literally refuse to call you by what you want to be. God you hate them!

She shakes her head when you tell her to go on and hangout with everyone. Maybe she sees something in you that you don't. But then again. Doesn't everybody? She wraps her arms around you and kisses your forehead. You know she wants to help but you know she's been through worse. You know your problems are minor compared to her past and now. And you can't bring yourself to vent to her. You hate venting to people. It feels like they judge you forever after. And you don't want her to feel like shes obligated to try and help you. You want her to get her stuff sorted out. You want her to get better. Even if that means you getting worse. You'd give up so much to the people who will forget you and its sad. 

Sad knowing everyone is going to leave sooner or later. And when later comes around you try and not feel the pain because you warned yourself before not to get close. Not to give in to charm. Not to give in to kindness. But, like the fucking idiot you are...You break your rules for people and get hurt horribly each time a friend or lover leaves. And you don't know why you really bother trying to keep anyone anymore. You know they're going to leave. Everyone has and will. But worry about now. Worry about the girl holding you. Focus on her warmth. Focus on her breathing. Focus on her. Nothing but her. Ignore your surroundings and only focus on her for right now. 

You wrap your arms around her and whisper, "I'm sorry..." Because you really are. You don't want her to be upset because your upset. You love her and hate seeing her care so much. 

"Sorry for what?" She says quietly as she tries to get you to look her in the eye. You can't bring yourself to do it. So you keep your gaze downwards as she lays her forehead against yours. Her big brown eyes catch yours for a brief second and you quickly look away again. 

"I'm sorry for being...depressing...And an asshole.." You stutter out. Your accent showing through again.

She stares at you blankly for a moment before speaking again. "You're really not...We all have problems. But like I said...I'd be willing to listen..." You sigh and finally nod. Telling her about failing all of your classes. Losing your friends. Your mother. Grandmother. Everyone you care about. Surprisingly she listens through all of your bullshit and keeps you in her arms as you go on and on. Eventually tears drip from your eyes as you tell her how scared you really are. How scare you really are to lose her. 

She takes her sleeve and wipes your tears away. Kissing your cheek, your forehead and your other cheek. This gives you more comfort. Her in general gives you comfort.

After a few more minutes of holding you she lets go and kisses your forehead once more. "Ready to come don and hang with us before we go in?" She smiles softly and gives you those goddamn puppy dog eyes and you do the same right back and reply with "Five more minutes? Please..?" She nods and hugs you, resting her head on your shoulder. Letting out a soft sigh you smile to her and kiss her forehead lightly. She smiles at your affections and does the same back to you. 

You're happy to have her but also sad. She knows just how to pick you up but at the same time keep you where you are. She just makes you feel empty yet complete at the same time and it confuses you to all hell. But then again she is greyromantic and can't really deal with any sort of relationship stuff. You thinkit's mostly because of her past. She hadn't the best life. It was a thousand time worse compared to yours but yet so similar. Surprisingly you are more stable than her. You've concluded this after a big arguement with her mother, her and a few other members of her family. You don't want to bring up your problems or past to her because you don't want to trigger anything. 

Five minutes go by in a flash. You look down and sigh. "Ready to go in..?" You ask softly as you start to shimmy to the bottom branch very carefully. On the last branch you fumble and fall flat on your ass. 

 _Fuck that hurt like a motherfucker._ You groan and stand up, bending back to crack your back. As you do Mila pokes your stomach and you shriek, falling back down. You laugh and pull her down with you and hug her tightly, kissing her cheek. After dusting yourself off, again, you and her head up to everyone else and go into the school to get everyone ready for the show. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for this chapter being so short! I work on these in class and the first chapter i pilled out of my ass at four in the damn morning. Buuuuut. here's this for now. I'll add more to this chapter very soon. Sorry once again. Also Mila calls Caine, Cai, it's a little nick name she gave him. And it's pronunced like Kai. :/ Sorrys


End file.
